Goodbye, 9th Grade Brain!

Posted on September 15, 2012 | 3 Comments

So it’s the start of a new school year. And with it, comes all the craziness of a new school year, new schedules and new routines.

But I will embrace ALL of that, if I can kiss that 9th grade brain goodbye.

Let me explain.

My youngest daughter seemed to struggle with incredible forgetfulness during her freshman year of high school. INCREDIBLE forgetfulness.

  • Forgotten – and important and mandatory – homework, project and take home exams.
  • Left behind UNIFORMS.
  • Lunch money that didn’t find its way into a back pack.

You get the idea.

I just didn’t remember my oldest doing this. As in, at all.

So, we managed to muddle through the school year, with running said “forgotten insert item here”  to the school. Sometimes it was me. Sometimes it was her grandparents (thank you, Mom and Pop!). Sometimes it was her aunt (thank you, Laura!). And sometimes it was her dad. It seemed we all took turns.

And I still didn’t remember my oldest doing this.

And then it was June.

Instead of getting better, it got WORSE.

On one of my trips into the school, I remarked to the extremely kind woman who sits inside the front office doors that, “You know, I think my daughter secretly wants us to be BFFs. Why else would she want me to see you – every day?”

We both laughed.

And then it was the last day of school and she was almost done. All that stood between her and summer was two finals.

Out the door she flew, headed to the bus stop, a big smile on her face.

Then I got the txt.

The PANIC txt.

MOM!! I forgot my calculator!!!! And I have a math final, like soon!!

Seriously???

So I made a quick side trip to school before heading to work. My new BFF buzzed me in, and looking at my bag, she asked what brought me in today.

“Oh, it’s a calculator today.”

“OHHH,” she said seriously. “You need to head around the corner for that.”

Wow….I must be getting VIP treatment now. As I rounded the corner into the main section of the school office, I stopped dead in my tracks. I just could NOT believe what I was seeing.

An ENTIRE SECTION of the counter was covered.

Covered with calculators.

Each with a little sticky note, bearing a child’s name.

A child who, too, had forgotten his or her calculator.

I did a quick count. My kids go to a fairly small high school but still, the results smacked me in the face. Just about 1 out of every 4 of the 9th graders – 25% – had forgotten their calculators that day.

The Ultimate Curse of the 9th Grade Brain.

As I talked to yet another lovely secretary, I learned that indeed, these calculators ALL belonged to 9th graders.

She smiled sweetly and told me not to worry.  Summer was coming, and 9th grade would be over soon.

I called my husband on the way home, still dazzed by this. He reminded me that our oldest DID experience this same 9th grade forgetfulness thing. 

I had just forgotten.

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Posted in Humor, Parenting, Teens

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It’s All About Respect: Lessons from a Kid of the 60s/70s

Posted on June 21, 2012 | 3 Comments

I missed the initial report on the viral video that shows the grandmother-like bus monitor being bullied by a group of 11-year olds.  Then I listened to my coworkers discuss it. And then I watched it myself.

What I saw horrified me.

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A group of 11-year old middle school students taunted this grandmother-like woman. They teased her. They made comments about her hair, her hearing aids, her weight. They mocked her. They even POKED and prodded her.

Matt Lauer asked if any of the students came forward to apologize. They have not.

And then, like most viewers, I stopped to ask myself how and why this has happened?

The answer is very simple:   As parents, we are failing our children.

It’s as simple as that.

For although this occurred in upstate New York, this could have happened in any of our neighborhoods.

For today is the age of the Trophy Generation.

And for all the positives that have gone along with this, this type of parenting has left out instilling a sense of respect and kindness to others in our kids.

If you don’t think so, then ask why bullying is such a problem in our society and in our schools today.

It wasn’t back in the 60s and 70s.  

Sure, we had our occasional bullying episode but it wasn’t anything close to the near epidemic we have today.

Growing up in the 60s/70s in suburbia was an amazing time to be a kid:  walking to school with my friends and then playing outside by ourselves until our parents called us home. Our days were spent making up games, riding our bikes and roller skating (remember when skates still had keys?). 

No electronics. No phones. And no parents hovering over us.

Geez. That just messed up my whole nostalgic image (sorry, Mom).

We also had each others’ backs. And we practiced respect and kindness to others since it was instilled in us – and expected – at home.

So I’d like to pass along a few things that stuck with me from my childhood that I’d like to pass along to the parents – and the kids – of today.

  1. Show respect. People will remember you for it and appreciate it. Call people older than you by Mr., Mrs. or Miss (Aunt and Uncle are also acceptable for people closer to you, with approval from your parents)
  2. Manners are important. Use them – especially PLEASE and THANK YOU. They are not just nice sounding words; they mean something more.
  3. Write thank you notes. If a person took the time to buy you a gift, take the time to write them a note (ok, so in today’s world, an email can work. Just remember to make it genuine and heartfelt. Tell them what the gift means to you).
  4. Look out for the little guy:  Protect those who are smaller or younger than you.
  5. Practice the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you (or don’t do something nasty to someone since you wouldn’t like it either).
  6. Build good character: No one said life would be easy. And it’s not always easy to do the right thing. But both build character and having a good character is priceless.  (And seriously, if I only had a dollar for everytime my parents told me that it “builds character,” I would be living on a beautiful island!!)
  7. Stand up for yourself: Don’t do something because all your friends are doing it; do it because it’s the right thing to do.
  8. When you do something wrong, say you are sorry. Apologize in person. Look the person in the eye and make it meaningful.  (And it’s never too late to say you are sorry. You need to make it right).
  9. Behave in public: You never know who is watching (someone always is and sometimes it’s someone your parents know).
  10. Don’t lie: It’s easier – and nobler – to tell the truth. And no one likes, trusts or respects a liar (besides, you will always get caught).

 As for the kids on the bus, I suggest you start with #8.  It’s not too late. I know of a sweet woman who at the very least, deserves a genuine apology.

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Posted in Bullying, Self Esteem, Violence

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Sometimes Simpler IS Better

Posted on June 12, 2012 | 1 Comment
YouTube Preview Image

I was watching TV with my girls last Saturday morning (late morning, of course; remember, I have teenagers!) and naturally it got into a battle of who-wants-to-watch-what.  I made some kind of comment that we wouldn’t have been having that kind of conversation when I was little.

They stared blankly at me. They completely didn’t get it.

“When I was growing up, we only had three stations. Four if you count the PBS station. ”

“WHAT?!!

“That is just crazy!!”

“How did you ever LIVE??”

Seriously? How did I ever LIVE?

When I was growing up, we had some of the BEST TV and some of the BEST TV commercials.  

And my friends and I all knew this was true because there was always an amazing show on any of those 3 channels on Saturday morning. You also didn’t meet your friends outside to play until your “shows” were over. And it was the only time you stayed inside because it was the only time cartoons were on.

Today?  We have HUNDREDS of channels. And sometimes you can’t find even ONE decent show on.

Pretty sad.

 

PS – Thanks to my friend, Deb, for the tip!

 

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Posted in Humor, Parenting, Teens

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My Crash Course as the “Mother” of Boys

Posted on May 30, 2012 | Leave a comment

I have two sisters and a sister-in-law and they all know that I would do anything for them, their families and their kids. So when one of my sisters called and said that she and her husband were going out of the country for a week and asked if I would stay with her kids, she already knew what the answer would be.  

So, I set out on my Great Adventure and left for Boston, and yes, I called it my adventure because I was leaving my own family behind for this period of time, and although my kids are older, they would be with one less parent for a little while. And, no matter how close you are as siblings growing up, it’s so different after you’ve “grown up” and have been on your own and now have your own family. 

Let’s face it: you go from a time spent where you really just can’t get away from these people you grow up with – sometimes, no matter how hard you try – and then, one day, all of a sudden, they’re not there. You have separate lives. And then you have spouses. And then families.  Bizarre. 

And let’s face it. No matter how much you try to see each other, you never get that same “living under the same roof as siblings” time back. Even if you spend time together during a family vacation, it’s just not the same; it’s just not you and your siblings.

If only we could have appreciated that special time we did have back then, huh? 

But onto My Great Adventure: I didn’t get to spend much time at all with my sister for her flight left the following morning. I had to step into her shoes right away and pick up where she left off, schedule and all.  That in itself was incredibly strange. I enjoyed spending time with my nephews but it also made me realize how different and alike my sister and I still are.

What was really different for me was to be the “Stand In Mom” of two boys. I have two girls.  And I grew up with two sisters. This was going to be interesting.  

So what did I discover about boys?

  • Generally speaking, boys create FAR less drama:  I actually started to miss the drama. It’s sort of like a free soap opera where you personally know the characters and get to interact with them. With my nephews, there has not been ONE fight. Not over stealing clothes or borrowing makeup or (my personal favorite) “breathing my air.”
  • Boys take FAR less time to get ready. In the morning. For bed. Anytime:  Sometimes I wonder what my girls are doing, but getting ready to go anywhere can take us hours to do. Maybe they take a nap between putting on makeup and doing their hair. Just not sure, but it takes forever to get teenage girls ready.
  • Boys could care less about being on the phone:  This is a new one for me.  For teenage girls, phones can be considered to be a critical appendage to the body. And. It. Is. Constantly. Ringing. Or. Buzzing. From. A. Text. Seriously.
  • Boys aren’t girl crazy:  Boys are sincerely cool and nonchalant. This is so not an act. I actually witnessed the “accidental run in” between two giggly, teenage girls and my nephew. He was cool as a cucumber and this wasn’t an act. Amazing to see it from the other side.
  • And, burping and farting is just as funny, whether you’re a boy OR a girl: And it still makes your mom – or your aunt – cringe or go nuts (which makes it even funnier still and makes your sibling just laugh even harder).

 Over the course of the visit, I got to know my nephews so much better than I had before. And, I got a chance to spoil them, with trips to the movies (BOY movies and the BIG buttered popcorn!), going out for pizza and even a trip to see the Red Sox. And as you can see, in the end, they even taught me a thing or two.

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Insight into Mother’s Day

Posted on May 13, 2012 | 2 Comments

My sisters and me (I'm on the far left)

 

 

 

 

 

 

“A printed card means nothing except that you are too lazy to write to the woman who has done more for you than anyone in the world. And candy! You take a box to Mother — and then eat most of it yourself. A pretty sentiment.”

                                                – Anna Jarvis, Founder of Mother’s Day

There’s no mistaking that today is Mother’s Day.

The stores, florists and e-commerce sites have been preparing for this holiday since Peter Cottontail hit the Bunny Trail.

As we near the day’s 100th celebration, I’m sure if Anna Jarvis were alive today, she would not be pleased at the day’s celebration. She surely wasn’t happy with the “commercialism” of it back in the 1920s, although I am struggling with what that really looked like. Printed cards? Flowers? What would dear Anna say to an iPad? Yikes.

How I am celebrating the day? Well, with both of my girls covering shifts at their place of employment, my husband took over, making me a wonderful breakfast. Plus, coffee, paper and the TODAY show. What more could I want?  Then later, we’ll get together with my husband’s side of the family for a cookout and I’ll call my parents, who live out-of-state and my sisters who also don’t live nearby (sorry, Mom, the cards will be late again this year!!).

But in Anna Jarvis fashion, when I think of Mother’s Day. I think of past Mother’s Days and handmade cards, homemade breakfasts (although I cringe to think what they must have tasted like!), and hand crafted gifts we presented each year. But mostly, I think of my mom and the other strong women in my family and what they have taught me along the way. It’s made me who I am today. These are the things that have stuck with me and things I have taught my kids – and others (yes, members of my former Girl Scout troops!) as well.

So here it goes:

  1. Always leave a place cleaner than you found it. (My grandmother and mom were both die-hard Girl Scouts and when I got married, my husband’s mom and her mom were also of this same philosophy!)
  2. If you get something out, put it back where it belongs. (This one not only helps make your mom stay sane but comes in handy when you grow up and have roommates. I am struggling to help my youngest learn this one. She is of the camp that believes you need to have multiple homes for things).
  3. Ask! What’s the worst thing someone can say? (Shoot for the stars! So what if they say no? If you don’t ask, you can’t get where you want to go!).
  4. Don’t be late. (If you’re on time, you’re late. And if you’re early, you’re on time. Employers want people who are going to be on time).
  5. Don’t lean on your broom handle. (Don’t stand around not doing anything. If you are all done your chores, ask for more to do).
  6. Believe in yourself and respect yourself. (Even if things don’t seem to be going your way or you’re taking the hard road, respect will get you where you eventually need to go).
  7. You’re guilty by association. (Choose your friends carefully.)
  8. It doesn’t look good. (This one applied more to my youngest sister. It was not a reference to her attire but more to whatever she was doing. It just never looked good. She must have listened, since she did still grew up without any major incidences!).

And then I just must finish with this:

The statements my Mom used that I swore I would not use with my kids:

  • Well, when I was your age…
  • Who died and left you in charge/boss/queen?
  • What part of NO didn’t you understand?
  • Yes, I DO have eyes in the back of my head.
  • You’re the oldest. You should know better (As the oldest, I seriously SWORE I would NEVER EVER say that. Sorry, daughter #1).
  • Do you think money grows on trees?
  • If so-and-so jumps of a bridge, would you do that too? (I have modified this to be: Well, I’m not so-and-so’s mom).

And my all-time favorite:

  • Because I said so!!

Somehow it does all come around again. And MY kids are saying that they won’t use these lines.

We’ll see about that.

So, to my wonderful mother, thank you. And to my amazing two sisters, my terrific mother-in-law and my awesome sister-in-law, Happy Mother’s Day!

May every mother reading this have a truly wonderful day …

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Posted in Holidays, Humor

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