Monthly Archives: May 2012

My Crash Course as the “Mother” of Boys

Posted on May 30, 2012 | Leave a comment

I have two sisters and a sister-in-law and they all know that I would do anything for them, their families and their kids. So when one of my sisters called and said that she and her husband were going out of the country for a week and asked if I would stay with her kids, she already knew what the answer would be.  

So, I set out on my Great Adventure and left for Boston, and yes, I called it my adventure because I was leaving my own family behind for this period of time, and although my kids are older, they would be with one less parent for a little while. And, no matter how close you are as siblings growing up, it’s so different after you’ve “grown up” and have been on your own and now have your own family. 

Let’s face it: you go from a time spent where you really just can’t get away from these people you grow up with – sometimes, no matter how hard you try – and then, one day, all of a sudden, they’re not there. You have separate lives. And then you have spouses. And then families.  Bizarre. 

And let’s face it. No matter how much you try to see each other, you never get that same “living under the same roof as siblings” time back. Even if you spend time together during a family vacation, it’s just not the same; it’s just not you and your siblings.

If only we could have appreciated that special time we did have back then, huh? 

But onto My Great Adventure: I didn’t get to spend much time at all with my sister for her flight left the following morning. I had to step into her shoes right away and pick up where she left off, schedule and all.  That in itself was incredibly strange. I enjoyed spending time with my nephews but it also made me realize how different and alike my sister and I still are.

What was really different for me was to be the “Stand In Mom” of two boys. I have two girls.  And I grew up with two sisters. This was going to be interesting.  

So what did I discover about boys?

  • Generally speaking, boys create FAR less drama:  I actually started to miss the drama. It’s sort of like a free soap opera where you personally know the characters and get to interact with them. With my nephews, there has not been ONE fight. Not over stealing clothes or borrowing makeup or (my personal favorite) “breathing my air.”
  • Boys take FAR less time to get ready. In the morning. For bed. Anytime:  Sometimes I wonder what my girls are doing, but getting ready to go anywhere can take us hours to do. Maybe they take a nap between putting on makeup and doing their hair. Just not sure, but it takes forever to get teenage girls ready.
  • Boys could care less about being on the phone:  This is a new one for me.  For teenage girls, phones can be considered to be a critical appendage to the body. And. It. Is. Constantly. Ringing. Or. Buzzing. From. A. Text. Seriously.
  • Boys aren’t girl crazy:  Boys are sincerely cool and nonchalant. This is so not an act. I actually witnessed the “accidental run in” between two giggly, teenage girls and my nephew. He was cool as a cucumber and this wasn’t an act. Amazing to see it from the other side.
  • And, burping and farting is just as funny, whether you’re a boy OR a girl: And it still makes your mom – or your aunt – cringe or go nuts (which makes it even funnier still and makes your sibling just laugh even harder).

 Over the course of the visit, I got to know my nephews so much better than I had before. And, I got a chance to spoil them, with trips to the movies (BOY movies and the BIG buttered popcorn!), going out for pizza and even a trip to see the Red Sox. And as you can see, in the end, they even taught me a thing or two.

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Posted in Humor, Parenting

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Insight into Mother’s Day

Posted on May 13, 2012 | 2 Comments

My sisters and me (I'm on the far left)

 

 

 

 

 

 

“A printed card means nothing except that you are too lazy to write to the woman who has done more for you than anyone in the world. And candy! You take a box to Mother — and then eat most of it yourself. A pretty sentiment.”

                                                – Anna Jarvis, Founder of Mother’s Day

There’s no mistaking that today is Mother’s Day.

The stores, florists and e-commerce sites have been preparing for this holiday since Peter Cottontail hit the Bunny Trail.

As we near the day’s 100th celebration, I’m sure if Anna Jarvis were alive today, she would not be pleased at the day’s celebration. She surely wasn’t happy with the “commercialism” of it back in the 1920s, although I am struggling with what that really looked like. Printed cards? Flowers? What would dear Anna say to an iPad? Yikes.

How I am celebrating the day? Well, with both of my girls covering shifts at their place of employment, my husband took over, making me a wonderful breakfast. Plus, coffee, paper and the TODAY show. What more could I want?  Then later, we’ll get together with my husband’s side of the family for a cookout and I’ll call my parents, who live out-of-state and my sisters who also don’t live nearby (sorry, Mom, the cards will be late again this year!!).

But in Anna Jarvis fashion, when I think of Mother’s Day. I think of past Mother’s Days and handmade cards, homemade breakfasts (although I cringe to think what they must have tasted like!), and hand crafted gifts we presented each year. But mostly, I think of my mom and the other strong women in my family and what they have taught me along the way. It’s made me who I am today. These are the things that have stuck with me and things I have taught my kids – and others (yes, members of my former Girl Scout troops!) as well.

So here it goes:

  1. Always leave a place cleaner than you found it. (My grandmother and mom were both die-hard Girl Scouts and when I got married, my husband’s mom and her mom were also of this same philosophy!)
  2. If you get something out, put it back where it belongs. (This one not only helps make your mom stay sane but comes in handy when you grow up and have roommates. I am struggling to help my youngest learn this one. She is of the camp that believes you need to have multiple homes for things).
  3. Ask! What’s the worst thing someone can say? (Shoot for the stars! So what if they say no? If you don’t ask, you can’t get where you want to go!).
  4. Don’t be late. (If you’re on time, you’re late. And if you’re early, you’re on time. Employers want people who are going to be on time).
  5. Don’t lean on your broom handle. (Don’t stand around not doing anything. If you are all done your chores, ask for more to do).
  6. Believe in yourself and respect yourself. (Even if things don’t seem to be going your way or you’re taking the hard road, respect will get you where you eventually need to go).
  7. You’re guilty by association. (Choose your friends carefully.)
  8. It doesn’t look good. (This one applied more to my youngest sister. It was not a reference to her attire but more to whatever she was doing. It just never looked good. She must have listened, since she did still grew up without any major incidences!).

And then I just must finish with this:

The statements my Mom used that I swore I would not use with my kids:

  • Well, when I was your age…
  • Who died and left you in charge/boss/queen?
  • What part of NO didn’t you understand?
  • Yes, I DO have eyes in the back of my head.
  • You’re the oldest. You should know better (As the oldest, I seriously SWORE I would NEVER EVER say that. Sorry, daughter #1).
  • Do you think money grows on trees?
  • If so-and-so jumps of a bridge, would you do that too? (I have modified this to be: Well, I’m not so-and-so’s mom).

And my all-time favorite:

  • Because I said so!!

Somehow it does all come around again. And MY kids are saying that they won’t use these lines.

We’ll see about that.

So, to my wonderful mother, thank you. And to my amazing two sisters, my terrific mother-in-law and my awesome sister-in-law, Happy Mother’s Day!

May every mother reading this have a truly wonderful day …

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Posted in Holidays, Humor

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Are You Mom Enough? Seriously?

Posted on May 12, 2012 | 2 Comments

Courtesy of TIME

OK, so I wasn’t really going to tackle this topic, but after seeing this covered for the second day on my favorite morning news program – the TODAY Show – in addition to the media onslaught and the slew of conversations on Facebook, it’s time for me to say enough.

Breastfeeding? Yes, I am for it. I think it is a wonderful way to nurture and feed your baby. But I also think it has to be the right choice for the mother as well. I couldn’t manage to do it for my oldest, thanks to unexpected postpartum surgery, but I did for two months for my youngest.  It probably wasn’t  the best experience for me, since my youngest NEVER slept, but I thought I was doing the best for my baby. (And truth be told, the DAY I stopped, she developed an ear infection that lasted six months. Talk about guilt.)

But breastfeeding a kid who is able to stand on a stool? Nope. Sorry, I draw the line there. I just believe that breastfeeding is for babies. After that, you need to wean them, and start making them a little more independent.

I think is my underlying problem with this “attachment parenting” concept.

According to the article, Dr. William Sears, author of “The Baby Book” claims that “attachment parenting” is the way mothers and children would behave if they were living “on an island, and you had no mother-in-laws, no psychologists, no doctors around, no experts, this is what you would naturally and instinctively do…”

I’m having a little trouble with this concept. Not only does this scenario not exist, how does he know this is what would happen according to instinct? If that were true, then as mothers, we would ALL know immediately what to do.

I may be a Gen X Parent, but maybe I’m more of an old-fashioned parent than I think I am.

Maybe it’s because I DID listen to some of the advice that my mom, my mother-in-law and assorted aunts and women from generations before me shared.  I listened, pulled what worked from my upbringing and then what my gut told me to do. I stopped relying on books after advice from the “older generation” seemed to work much better (so much for buying every book on the market). After all, I am from the generation that didn’t have car seats, didn’t wear bike helmets, and was free to play outside – unattended and creating our own games at times – until it was dark and you knew it was time to go home.

It was my dream to have children, but I didn’t intend for my life to stop when they became a part of my life. I hoped they would enrich it, which they absolutely have. I can’t imagine my life without my girls.

Sure, I miss the stages when my kids were little. But I want to see them to grow up. I love each stage of their development (yes, even the eye roll stage!). I want to see what amazing, free thinking individuals they will be! After all, isn’t that our job:  to raise our kids to be the best they can be so they can go out in this world and be who they want to be?

Somehow, raising kids to be so incredibly dependent on us as parents doesn’t sound like that supports that end goal. 

I think psychotherapist Dr. Robi Ludwig said it best:  “When you give a child the feeling that the whole world revolves around them, it’s not good training for the real world. The whole world doesn’t revolve around anybody.”

So I say shame on you, TIME Magazine. 

On behalf of all the moms out there who strive to do their best, day in and day out, I say shame on you. 

  • For the working moms, the stay at home moms and any mom who has ever juggled a schedule to try and make it all work.
  • For moms who wished their infant came with an instruction manual.
  • For any mom who has spent the wee hours of the night, rocking a baby back to sleep or holding a sick child.
  • For moms dealing with hormonal pre-teens or moody and rebellious teenagers.
  • And for moms of kids who manage to melt our hearts with your hugs, kisses and smiles, reminding us that this is the best job in the world and we wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Shame on you, TIME Magazine, for making us feel that somehow we just don’t measure up.

Sure, we all may not be as beautiful and slender as your mom on the cover and we may not all agree with the philosophies in your article, but I say shame on you for once again making mothers doubt our skills in parenting.

Oh, and by the way, nice timing.

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Posted in Health, Parenting

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A Quest to Stop Photoshop (Sign the Petition!)

Posted on May 3, 2012 | 1 Comment
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“Girls want to be accepted, appreciated, and liked. And when they don’t fit the criteria, some girls try to ‘fix’ themselves. This can lead to eating disorders, dieting, depression, and low self esteem….Here’s what lots of girls don’t know. Those ‘pretty women’ that we see in magazines are fake. They’re often photoshopped, air-brushed, edited to look thinner, and to appear like they have perfect skin. A girl you see in a magazine probably looks a lot different in real life.”

These words are from a posting by a brave young 14-year old woman. Julia Bluhm is an 8th grader who loves ballet and hails from Maine.  Last week, she had the gumption to take on Madison Avenue, trying to change the fashion industry and its obsession with not only ridiculously thin models but its dependence on  the new technology of airbrushing and photoshopping.  Together, this has created a situation for our young women – an illusion, if you will – that the imagery and beauty found in magazines is simply unachievable.

For some young girls, they just don’t realize this. For even IF they could get thin enough to match what they think they see, they CANNOT match what photoshopping and airbrushing do.

This past week, Julia traveled to New York City to protest outside of the offices of Seventeen magazine, trying to convince them to include one – JUST ONE – unretouched photo spread per month.

I’ve discussed photoshopping and airbrushing, the implications and the dangers. And yes, I am well aware we have a childhood obesity problem going on, but I fear that this problem does far great damage. The problems that constantly striving for something that is impossible to achieve damages an impressionable young woman for some time, and sometimes she is never able to shake it.

We’ve all read about the brides who have a tube shoved down their throats and go on a liquid diet in order to get “skinny” for their weddings, right? How truly absurd.

So won’t you join Julia in her quest to achieve 50,000 signatures on her online petition? Just click here to do so. And then pass it on to your friends on Facebook. At this posting, she is closing in on 40,000. Quite an admirable achievement for a campaign that only began less than two weeks ago.

Sign the petition. Do it for you, for all the photos you’ve had to look at over the years.

And do it for your daughters, nieces and the next generation. You can be an important role model who can help stop this nonsense.

It’s time we surround our girls, teens and young women with everyday visions of beauty.

Not unachievable computer generated ones.

 

For more information, see:

The Nightline Story, May 2, 2012, ABC News

Celebrities Who Have Posed Without Airbrushing, ABC News

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Posted in Body Image, Health, Self Esteem, Teens

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